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tionis

were alive written progress!

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WERE ALIVE
A story of survival
Ch.1 part 1 of 3
"As I recall the months leading up to when this all happened weren’t much to remember. My unit returned home earlier that year from our tour in Iraq. I had spent 365 on ground working as military Intelligence; our group came up with those playing cards you saw on the news. The 52 most wanted. I was a hard charge P.F.C. back then, but that was the first tour. After the third I was the tired and depressed Sergeant. Nothing scared me back then, I did not fear death or what might be there on the other side if today was my last day .that was then, and this is now. I Wright this not really for anyone to read, but for my own sanity maybe if I go ever it from the beginning it might make more sense to me. And then again maybe not”
“I was twenty seven at the time and in my fourth year in college. I started my freshman year in two thousand and one almost eight years ago now. I remember the date as if it was burned into my head. May 8th 2009”
I was walking down a brick path to my first class of the morning. When a perky ginger haired girl waved to me from across the courtyard. She was wearing a light purple shirt and a pair of jeans that seemed a just a little too tight. And as she jogs to catch up to me she smiled. “Hey Michael, where you going?” and with a shrug I reply “uh, class“
She moves and walks in step with me “Oh, did you study for the quiz today?” I chuckle “No, not really.” she laughs and bumps me with her elbow. “Oh, well neither did I.” I smile at that and look at my watch speeding up my pace a little. “Yeah, well, alright.” She then gives me a hopeful look “Hey are you going to the Omega's party this weekend? It's going to be so awesome, I thought you might want to go with-“but I interrupt her “Nope, don't want to. Thanks though.” I see her face fall at that “Why not?” and I sigh I didn’t like college parties that much. “Is it a better response to say, oh OK, well maybe another time?” She frowns and crosses her arms “Geese, you don't have to be such a jerk about it.” And I shrug “I was direct, how is that being a jerk?”
By this time we had reached the class room just before we were late. As I entered I heard the professor drone “Once you are done, um, go ahead and put your papers up here and you guys will be free to go.” I sat down in my seat the stacks of paper sitting I front of me.
And that’s when we hear it at first I thought that someone was making a growling noise but then I felt the rumble, it was an explosion. “What the hell?” I say getting up from my chair. The girl from before walked up to the window and looked out “Did you hear that?” she said
The teacher lets out a sigh and adjusts his glasses “It's probably just the construction going on next door, now please take your seat” I start packing my things and then look up at him “That's not construction”


please tell me if its good i have more written but i want to get feedback to see if this style is good first so here is a section of chapter one
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  1. Gooer's Avatar
    Hmm, interesting idea.....
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  2. tionis's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Gooer
    Hmm, interesting idea.....
    I know right
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  3. Vlarken's Avatar
    This is a cool idea... However, you changed verb tense in the middle of the story, if I'm not mistaken. I, honestly, would prefer it to be written in past tense. It definitely needs some work, but still a pretty cool idea.
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  4. tionis's Avatar
    thanks for the feedback
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  5. Nannie's Avatar
    Does anyone else read this in Michael's voice?
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  6. seoagencyindia's Avatar
    thank you for sharing this.
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  7. gugyhodge's Avatar
    good job
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