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Merry Christmas from Reaper's Corner

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[COLOR="#ADD8E6"]no it's not actually Christmas yet, but my weekend is going to be full, and i wish to spread some cheer. enjoy

The night before Z-Mas

Twas the night before Christmas, and deep in a lab
There were men doing things that were evil and bad
They were tapping their test tubes, their beakers and burners
And making a virus, their agenda to further
They worked all the day and well into the night
To finish a test before mornings light
At round 1 or 2 they were sure, there’s no doubt
Somehow their virus had made its way out
Out to the streets of the city above
Out to destroy children’s hope, couples love
For the virus was no cold, ebola, or flu
It was the zombie virus ZHU-912
It rode out the facility on a delivery boy’s cuffs
And in several short hours it caused such a fuss
The boy had turned and was hungry for flesh
Attacking his neighbors, even one wearing mesh
Those in the know who knew they were privy
Learned that the virus had spread through the city
Until it reached my house, as deep in my sleep
My dreams were disturbed with the old floorboards creak
And beyond my window there arose such a clatter
That I sprang from my bed to see what’s the matter
I arrived to my window, my shotgun in hand
To yell at the hooligans, loud as a band
And what, to my surprise, do you think that I saw
Prancing in the snow like a newly born fawn?
The apocalypse come, the end it was nigh
As the zombies arose this fine Christmas Eve night
Away to my closet, I was gone like a flash
And into my storeroom for guns I did dash
I put on my tac vest, loaded it up
With ammo, grenades, and weapons and such
On the front was a holster to hold my .45
And a sling point for my M4 that made me feel alive
And on my back I kept my shotgun and rifle
For close and far I felt no need to trifle
Now loaded for bear there was just one more thing
A machete in my waist its edge waiting to sing
My gearing complete now I opened the door
And found my neighbor Gretchen crawling the floor
She’d caused an accident, cut her off at the waist
The rest of her spread on the road like red paste
I pulled my .45 and aimed at her head
Said, “Merry Christmas” and made sure she was dead
I ran in the streets now joining the fray
And ran past some nuns who’d set down to pray
I made with great haste to the end of the block
And found that the gate to the park had been locked
Diverted now, I went towards the mall
A bullet loaded for one and for all
On my way to the mall, my heart took a leap
As standing there wearing a suit that’s so cheap
A dimestore Santa with blood in his beard
An arm off at the elbow, the bloody stump seared
We squared off evenly as chaos surrounds
And murder and mayhem and zombies abound
I drew my machete, a twitch in my eye
And ran screaming at this dead Santa “you must die!”
Five minutes later the ordeal was over
As down the road a man was crushed with a bull dozer
With pieces of Santa strewn all around
I turned when my ears were perked up by a sound
And saw that the zombies all had decided
That I was to be the next one to be divided
I broke out my rifle and fired off shots
Aiming for the head I managed to kill lots
Burning through shotgun shells, M4, and pistol
The last round punching through police LT Bristol
Now as the zombies closed in, I screamed with my last breath
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good death.”

Ps. I escaped by the skin of your teeth

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  1. yarri's Avatar
    Merry Zmus my dear friend!
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  2. Mostawb's Avatar
  3. Smithlana's Avatar
    This is literally the most unfunny thing I have ever seen. Thanks.
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