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ChainsawAdams
Jan 9th, 2013, 03:32 PM
I want to hear what you think.

Osiris
Jan 9th, 2013, 04:34 PM
At first glance? I would wonder why you're bouncing between tenses, and narrative styles--you move between present and past without rhyme or reason, and you do the same between first and third person. That makes it a bit of a chore to follow. Seems to be an interesting premise. Calls to mind memories of Stevie Wayne for KAB on Spivey Point. That may just be the broadcasting station by the water, and the mention of the ghosts of dead sailors. I would recommend working with an editor to help you tighten up the mechanics, but I'll read more if you keep posting them. :)

ChainsawAdams
Jan 16th, 2013, 12:54 AM
It's my bad. I was taught to write for radio and tv. Not just as the written word. In radio you write words the way they sound and in TV you just write as fast as you can to meet deadline.

Osiris
Jan 16th, 2013, 10:41 AM
It's my bad. I was taught to write for radio and tv. Not just as the written word. In radio you write words the way they sound and in TV you just write as fast as you can to meet deadline.

Absolutely no need to apologize for anything. Keep writing!